And today....

Today's date is September 4.  10 months ago, I delivered my dead son.  I got to hold his perfect little body in my arms.  He never took a single breath.  He never opened his eyes.  I never heard a single cry, or any sound from him.

Today was the start of school for the kids, for this year.  My baby bear Wynter started her first day of 4 year old kindergarten.  Today was the first day since November 4 that I spent any amount of time away from her.

Granted, she was fine.  She was so excited to go to school, and didn't even seem to notice that 3 hours passed without my being right there.

I on the other hand was just empty.  I missed my girl.  I missed my boy even more.  I was reminded of the worst day of my life all over again.

Feeling Soren move inside my belly lessens the hurt just a little....  knowing that he is growing big and strong, and that I'll have him soon.....

But I'm just so tired of not having a baby in my arms, not having what I should.

I was so excited to pick her up from school, and she was excited to see us.  But she wanted to stay at school, so she could play some more.  She had a very good day, and we didn't get any calls or emails saying anything different.

Tomorrow is a new day....