Introduction

Hi and Welcome!  This is my attempt to keep a journal and keep everyone updated on the process of our rainbow baby.

For those of you who do not know what a rainbow baby is, the concept of a rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm.  When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened, or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it does mean is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds.

On November 3, 2011 we learned that our baby Casper no longer had a heartbeat.  I was admitted to the hospital and he was delivered the next morning.  He was delivered with the umbilical cord tightly wrapped around his neck, so that it had to be cut to be removed.  There was also a true knot in the cord in a different spot, and the placenta showed signs of trauma.  The extra fluid caused by gestational diabetes allowed my little guy to squirm and twist himself all up.

Just about 5 months later, with the encouragement and support of my obstetrician, we planned to get pregnant again, and it appears to have been a success!  We are very excited, as well as scared witless.

My intention of the blog is to have something to show this child when he or she grows up, so s/he knows how much we went through, and so the rest of the family and our friends can know as well.  There will be laughter, tears, joy and pain.  I am desperately holding on the hope that we have been through enough bad stuff so that this baby will come to know us the way we will know him or her.

Losing Casper was the most devastating and painful experience of our lives.  I thought the miscarriage I had before my first live birth was something I would never get over.  It was difficult to get through, but all means, but it didn't stop me from living.

Without my husband and our wonderful children, without the support of amazing friends and family, I would have never made it through losing Casper.  He spent 33 weeks in my belly, and has forever changed my life.  I still ache every day with how I miss him and wish he was here in my arms.  Nothing will ever replace him, and he will always be a part of our family and our lives.

SO anyway, here we go.  I'll do my best to explain as much as possible for anyone who has no idea what I'm talking about.  Please feel free to ask any questions!  I'm not very adventurous with computers, so I apologize if things look weird or anything.  I have no idea what I'm doing....  I'll add pictures, and share quotes, probably reminisce a lot and cry.  I can't promise this will be exciting, but I'll do my best.

And here we go!




☆★
Jenna