So today I am at 18 weeks and 2 days. My last appointment was on Monday, July 30. My stepdaughter Nikita was staying with us in preparation for her 21st birthday, so she was able to come with me to the appointment. Which was a bit of a blessing!
The appointment started with me walking into another patient's room, where a doctor was WITH a patient! Instead of the bathroom to give my urine sample. Oops!
I came back with the nurse, got weighed (185), blood pressure checked (normal) and then waited for my doctor. First thing we did was listen to Bubble's heart beat. PERFECT! Nikita got a sound recording on it, so now I have 2. We talked about how I was feeling, and she asked if I have been feeling any movement. Which I have, a little, sporadically. She asked if I was going to do the quad screening (for birth defects) and I said yes. Then I asked, since Nikita was there and wouldn't be again for awhile, if we could take a little peek at Bubble. She said of course!
Nikita got up and went use the restroom, and the doc said she would have the nurse get everything ready while she went a checked in with her next patient. I sat kind of anxious, since it usually meant I would be waiting awhile. But less than a minute later, she pops back in and says she doesn't have any other patients waiting! She got the machine in and set up, and started right checking Bubble out. First thing she asked was if we wanted to check gender, if we wanted to know. I said that when I had the extensive ultrasound with Casper, I was so lost as to how the doctor could tell that he was a boy - even though they pointed everything out. She said with girls, it looks more like 3 little lines between the legs. With boys, you obviously see the testes sack.
First we looked at Bubble's head. Baby was sucking thumb, again! The other arm was kinda up raised over the head. We started looking at the heart beat when Nikita came back in. She of course started tearing up, which got me going too! The heart was beating perfectly. Then we moved down to looking at baby's legs to see if we could make anything out between the legs. Based on a first look, I'm pretty certain it's a baby boy! My doc said she had a feeling, from earlier, that I was having a girl. I responded to that almost certain that it was a boy. At this point in the ultrasound, she said it looked like she might have been wrong!
She also pointed out that the reason I might not be feeling too much was because my placenta was anterior, meaning that it was wrapped around my belly and baby was curled into it. So the placenta is absorbing a lot of the movement, but as baby gets bigger I'll feel more. (and I have been too!)
This was kinda where I started sobbing. Sad, because I miss my Casper. But so excited for this new baby. I really do want a boy, not in any way to replace Casper, but because I have 2 daughters already and I really want to experience raising a boy.
We got a couple of pictures, wishes of good luck, and then went to give blood for the quad screen. I stopped by to make a few more appointments (getting to the every 2 weeks point! doc said around the point where we lost Casper, she wants to see me a lot so we can be reassured, since she knew that I would be worried).
So I got blood drawn, and off we went. Having Nikita there with me was really special, and I'm so glad she got to experience that with me. Jay (Daddy) was a little upset that WE got to see and hear baby without him. But he got to see and hear everything we brought home.
The test results came back yesterday, and everything was negative which is normal. Also, there is no sugar in my urine which means my body is not having any trouble processing all the carbs and sugar I'm eating.
Jay and I really think that the reason I started having the complications of diabetes had more to do with Casper being under stress, from the knot and the cord being around his neck. I really want to believe that, but I'm still doing my best and so much better with watching what I eat, and eating better food.
I love the feeling of elation and excitement I have when I leave the doctor's office. It lasts for a good day or 2 after, and it just feels so incredible. I know my baby is doing ok, I know that the chances of things being good are really high. But then the fear and depression start creeping in....
I miss my baby boy so much, and I would give just about anything to have him back. I would give up this pregnancy, and give up my soul to have him in my arms again. I look forward to teaching this baby about his/her big brother who never got the chance to live. Of course this baby wouldn't be here or even a possibility if Casper had lived - he was the last child for a our family. Some people would say to consider that a blessing..... It just makes me sad and hurt.
Well, in 8 more days, we'll go in for the comprehensive ultrasound. A confirmation on gender, measuring all the pieces and parts, and making sure everything is working right. I'm going to demand a thorough inspection of the umbilical, beginning to end. I think I might even ask my hubby to video record the whole thing.
this is the picture of between the legs - right about the middle of the picture, you can see both thigh bones, and in between is a small round sack kind of thing.
this is the back of baby's head, and spine really bright. you can also see that left arm up by the ear.
pardon the crappy picture quality (i'm too impatient to scan them in) but this is a side profile of baby sucking a thumb
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